Alex and I watched “Whiplash” the other night.
It’s a movie that came out 10 years ago with Miles Teller and J.K. Simmons about an ambitious young jazz drummer pursuing rising to the top of the music conservatory.
He’s discovered by the head instructor whose teaching methods are harsh, critical, and downright nasty.
The instructor pushes the young drummer so hard, constantly chastising him, in an attempt to push him beyond his limits.
While you feel empathy for what the young student is going through, you also watch him develop his skills while pushing through barriers that would make the average person quit.
After watching it…
I began to question…
Am I “too soft” in my approach to coaching and training?
For example, one of the key moments in the movie is when the instructor says…
“There are no two words in the English language more harmful than ‘good job’.”
His point is that telling someone they did a good job doesn’t motivate them to improve and get better.
If anything, it can lead them to settle and be content with where they are.
So…
Have I been praising my clients too much?
The movie also highlights how one of his former students commits suicide due to the anxiety and depression he suffered from after working under this instructor for several years.
Clearly, this approach to coaching or training is harmful to one’s mental health, so which is the “right” approach?
Do we praise others knowing that it could lead to stagnation?
Or do we withhold our praise and push them to be better, which could lead to psychological distress?
I believe the answer to be that it isn’t binary.
What is required is an approach where we can be kind, empathetic, and sincerely acknowledge what the other person is going through…
AND…
We can push them to be better by asserting with conviction that we believe in them.
We see something in them.
We encourage them not to settle and to strive for more.
This encouragement doesn’t need to be fueled by fear or anger…
But rather by purpose, vision, service, and impact.
So I encourage you to lead in such a way that allows for others to feel safe…
While also being the conduit through which they can connect with something greater.
That’s the mark of true leadership.
Rooting for you,
Jay (encouraging you to lead with love and conviction)
