09/14/26
STORY
Last week, I mentioned how I hurt my shoulder.
I’m not sure if it was due to lifting too heavy, playing tennis, or a combination…
But my shoulder has caused me extreme pain over the last two weeks.
One night, the pain was so bad that I couldn’t sleep.
At 4:30am, I decided to take a bath as a way to relieve the pain.
Laying there in the bath, I was feeling so frustrated.
Thoughts were swirling in my mind, such as…
Why is this happening to me?
Why is my body failing me?
I’ve been so good at going to the gym the last few months, and it’s all going downhill.
How can I make this pain go away?
Is this just a sign of my body breaking down as I get older?
This negative thought spiral was adding layers of distress to the physical pain.
And suddenly, I realized what I was doing.
I was resisting.
I was angry at my body.
I was arguing with reality.
And I started laughing.
I laughed at how ridiculous these thoughts were.
How silly is it to be mad at my physical body for being in pain?
I laughed harder.
I thought about how this body is a vehicle, carrying me throughout life from destination to destination.
We only have one vehicle.
Just one!
If you knew you had one car that would be your only means of travel throughout your life, wouldn’t you do everything you could to care for it?
If it broke down, would you get mad at it?
Or would you care for the vehicle in a way that ensures it gets back to 100% since it’s so important to you?
I realized how harsh I was being to my physical body.
And I immediately shifted my mindset.
I started talking to my body.
(I know this sounds weird, but hear me out)
I told my shoulder that I would do everything I could to help it heal.
I spoke to my body with kindness.
I told my body that I could bear this pain while caring for it in a way that gets it back to 100% as soon as possible.
(Here’s the corny part, brace yourself)
I said, “I love you” to my body.
Because it’s true.
It’s the only one I got!
And rather than fight with it…
I chose to care for it.
I’m not saying that doing this made the pain go away.
It did, however, make the pain much more bearable.
I felt lighter, more at peace, simply due to this shift in my mindset.
So whenever you’re feeling any pain or disruption…
Whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional…
Do your best to shift out of resistance and anger and into acceptance and kindness.
Pain sucks.
Throughout your life, you’ll feel pain.
It’s inevitable.
But suffering is a choice.
Suffering is when you choose to argue with the pain.
Choose not to argue.
Do what you can to relieve the pain…
But do so by being kind to yourself.
OBSERVATION
(The following observation was written with the help of AI)
In a 2019 study, researchers had participants complete a short compassionate self-talk exercise, then exposed them to a cold pain test. The group that practiced self-compassion reported measurably lower pain ratings than a control group, and the effect was linked to increased heart rate variability (a physiological marker of the body’s ability to regulate itself under stress). In other words, talking to yourself with kindness during pain isn’t just a mental reframe. It changes how much pain you actually feel.
(Luo, Liu, & Che, Investigating the Influence and a Potential Mechanism of Self-Compassion on Experimental Pain, Journal of Pain, 2020)
STRATEGY
Simple exercise this week:
At least once a day, speak kindly to yourself out loud.
Whether it’s when you start your day…
In the midst of a busy work schedule…
Or as you’re winding down…
Speak words of support, love, and compassion to yourself.
Say to yourself what you would say to the person you love the most in this world.
Rooting for you,
Jay (inviting you to be kinder to yourself)
International Keynote Speaker
Host of the “Unstuck” podcast
Decent left-handed tennis player (I know it wasn’t a good idea, but I played tennis with my wife left-handed the other day due to my shoulder injury, and I wasn’t that bad!)