06/01/26
STORY
I was working as a sales representative for SolarCity, the largest residential solar provider in the US at the time.
I was excelling in my role.
My performance was being recognized by management.
I thought…
Pretty soon, I’ll be a Regional Manager!
I put everything into getting this promotion.
I wanted it so bad.
During an All-Hands meeting with the entire state of New Jersey…
My Regional Manager quit.
It was shocking because he did so publicly.
In the back of my mind, I thought…
Here’s my opportunity.
After the All-Hands meeting, my Director sat me down and told me I got the job.
I was elated.
I went home and told my family.
We were celebrating.
I received a text from the VP that night, asking me to come to the office early the next morning.
I thought…
This is my orientation; he’s going to onboard me.
I arrived early, and the VP was already there.
He sat me down and said…
“Jay, the Director should not have offered you the role. I don’t think you’re ready. I was hoping you could help out with supporting the team while we look for the right person for this position. I need you to stay in your current role. One day, I think you’ll make a great Regional Manager, but now’s not your time.”
For lack of a better word, I was devastated.
Who wouldn’t be?
My world was turned upside down in 24 hours.
I went from a huge high of getting a promotion to it all crashing down and being taken away from me.
I reflect on that experience quite a bit, and I’m grateful for the lesson it taught me.
What I realize now is that I invested so much of my identity, happiness, and success in getting that Regional Manager role.
I was telling myself…
I need that in order to be happy and successful.
Because of that investment I was making, I was torn down when it was taken away from me.
It took me weeks to recover.
Now, I’ve learned not to invest my sense of worth, identity, or happiness in any future outcome.
I pursue my goals with passion, but I never tell myself…
I need that to be happy.
Instead I say…
I’m happy right now, and I’m excited to experience that when it comes.
The problem is not in having goals.
The problem is attaching to the achievement of a goal.
When you pursue the goal fueled by the belief that you need to achieve it in order to be okay…
You are setting yourself up for discouragement.
Instead, pursue your goals with passion, but with detachment as well.
You don’t need anything to be happy.
Be happy now, while passionately pursuing your goals because you love the challenge or what the experience will offer you.
P.S. – I got the Regional Manager position a few months later after proving myself to the VP (who’s still a friend to this day 
)
OBSERVATION
Psychologists Tim Kasser and Richard Ryan found that tying your happiness to external outcomes (i.e. promotions, recognition, financial success), is associated with lower well-being, more anxiety, and less vitality. People who pursued goals for internal reasons, rather than to prove something or feel okay about themselves, reported significantly greater well-being.
(Kasser & Ryan, “Further Examining the American Dream”, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 1996)
STRATEGY
This week, observe how often you are attaching to an outcome.
Notice if you’re feeling anxiety, anger, disappointment, or sadness in relation to an outcome that you’re actively pursuing.
In the moment you feel that, pause.
Take a deep breath.
Ask yourself…
Do I really need this to be happy?
Invite yourself to be at peace in the present moment while continuing to pursue your preferred outcome.
Rooting for you,
Jay (inviting you to detach from outcomes)
Global keynote speaker
Host of the “Unstuck” podcast
500-Rummy player who hates losing (the irony doesn’t escape me )