04/20/26
STORY
I was a Regional Sales Manager for the largest retail solar provider in the United States.
At the time, I was investing heavily in leadership development by reading books, attending seminars, and networking with other leaders to learn best practices.
I kept hearing about how valuable it is to ask my team for feedback on how to be a better leader.
One day, I decided to call every representative on my team and ask them for feedback.
It was a beautiful summer day, and I was outside the warehouse calling one rep after another.
The conversation that taught me the most valuable leadership lesson was with my top performer, George.
I asked George, “How can I be a better leader for you?”
George said, “Uhhhh, well…you’re doing great, Jay.”
The hesitation in his voice signaled that he had something on his mind.
I said, “George, it would only help me. Please, let me know how I can be a better leader.”
What George said next has stuck with me ever since.
“Well, Jay, sometimes, we have a customer cancellation or a project gets disqualified, and you’re always positive, which I love about you, but sometimes, it feels like you don’t understand what we’re going through.”
That stung, but boy, am I grateful for that sting.
What I learned from that conversation was that I was leading with toxic positivity.
Meaning, I was projecting positivity onto situations that were difficult, making my people feel as though they were not being heard or understood.
My problem was that I wasn’t acknowledging their difficulty.
I was forcing positivity onto their circumstances by encouraging them to “see the bright side” of dark situations.
Since that conversation, I changed my approach entirely.
If someone on my team was going through a challenge, I acknowledged it with sincerity.
I didn’t try to fix it immediately.
I didn’t attempt to pivot into looking for opportunities.
I empathized without trying to be a “problem-solver”.
If the conversation naturally moved into providing support or coaching, I’d lean into it, but it was only after I showcased that I understood what they were feeling.
You may have that same tendency within you.
The tendency to want to fix things.
To make things better.
To see the “bright side”.
That’s a great thing if you have it, and, it can be met with resistance if someone you’re leading is going through a difficult time.
Be sure you acknowledge whatever someone is going through.
Then you can gradually lead them to a solution.
OBSERVATION
A study by Wiley Workplace Intelligence surveyed 2,500 employees and found that 80% feel their leaders are more likely to gloss over workplace challenges than acknowledge them honestly.
The research suggests that when leaders respond to difficulty with forced positivity rather than transparency, employees disengage, lose trust, and become less willing to voice concerns, ultimately undermining the very morale leaders are trying to protect.
(Beck & Carney, “Glossing: How Toxic Positivity at Work Undermines Morale,” Wiley Workplace Intelligence, 2024)
STRATEGY
The next time someone comes to you upset, frustrated, or stressed, do your best to acknowledge them with sincerity.
Avoid fixing it.
Avoid trying to solve the problem.
Just be there for them.
Acknowledge their difficulty, and actively listen.
Rooting for you,
Jay (inviting you to acknowledge with authenticity)
Global keynote speaker
Host of the “Unstuck” podcast
Husband to an amazing woman who just celebrated her birthday last weekend (Happy Birthday, my love!)